In my last blog I said that the next one would be about Yellowstone National Park. I really intended this to be the case but unfortunately I need to pass on a burden that I feel I can carry no more.
What I am about to share with you is a story known by few but based on actual events, not too dissimilar to the box office smash "Pearl Harbour" starring Ben Affleck. The tale I have to tell is steeped in scientific facts, although none of them proven.
Let me begin...
Sometime towards the end of the bell bottomed seventies at a super secret squirrel meeting of Western governments, and at a location I'm not at liberty to divulge, a discussion was taking place of the utmost importance.
It was decided that after the two world wars earlier in the century, after the free love of the swinging sixties, after the grooviness of the psychedelic seventies, there was just far too much liberty going around, and it must, no matter what the cost, be retarded several notches.
Reports from the top minds of the time had been evaluated and a way forward was about to be proposed. The plan was quite brutal but at the same time quite brilliant.
In order to monitor the movements of the subject it would be necessary to launch into orbit several dozen satellites, which would also require upgrading from time to time. To be able to monitor subjects outside the scope of these satellites, a device would be placed in each and every household to ensure full time tracking of all citizens.
Monitoring stations would be built housing hundreds of workers who's sole responsibility would be to track all citizens around the clock, they would be able to pin point the whereabouts of anybody in the western world to within 10 square metres.
As technologies improve and become more miniaturised all buildings would be fitted with microscopic cameras and tiny microphones. This new technology would be hard wired directly into the monitoring stations enabling the creation of highly detailed archives.
By cross referencing information in these archives it would be possible to tell what subjects were saying, to whom, where, and when. Once this data was processed it could be used to terminate anyone who had even the remotest chance of nonconformity.
And the cost was huge. It was estimated that by the time the implants and repeat procedures were paid for, after the satellites were launched, after monitoring devices were installed into all households, after the monitoring stations were built and manned, after the technologies were invested into miniaturise the necessary cameras and microphones, and after the archives were established with an army of analysts to process the raw data, we were talking big bucks.
The initial estimate over the first 10 years of operation was an eye watering, wallet busting, deficit destroying, one hundred squillion dollars.
At this point the room fell silent for several minutes.
Abruptly the peace was then interrupted by a voice from an unlikely quarter.
Dressed in brown cords, a sage green tank top, sandals with grey socks, and sporting the finest comb over ever to grace a pot of brylcreem was the left wing egg head called, Helmut Von Facebucken.
Helmut and his Division of Perpetual Narcissists had a wholly less invasive idea that they'd been working on for the past few years. Their plan, although achieving the same goal, would require no surgery at all, and the best part of their plan was that people would actually take part of their own accord!
Helmut went on to outline the plan.
Pivotal to Helmut's idea was a device he had under development which he would call, a "smart phone". People would be issued with these devices which they would be encouraged to upgrade every 12 - 24 months allowing the device to contain the most up to date technology possible.
These "smart phones" would have software downloaded onto them, the downloads would be know as "apps". Most of these "apps" would be harmless puzzle games, educational quizzes, and mundane everyday handy tools such as flashlights and compasses. But the piece de resistance was an app he hadn't managed to name yet.
This "app" would encourage the user to transmit data relevant to what they were doing, what they were planning to do, but more importantly what they were thinking. People would take things called, "selfies" using the miniature cameras on their "smart phones", which could be used to keep a chronological record of their appearance and help log what they were doing at that particular point in time.
Helmut, who now felt as if he was on a roll, went on to gloat about how his idea was much more brilliant than the first plan because it meant that individuals would openly volunteer to share their information. He continued to say that people would divulge everything from where they worked, where they were born, pictures of their immediate family and friends, and even their children.
Feeling particularly full of himself, he went on to postulate that people would even camp out in the streets for days just to acquire the latest versions of his "smart phones"!
It was at this point that things broke down.
The room where the super secret squirrel meeting was taking place exploded into rivers! seas! no oceans! of cascading laughter. Rumour has it, although this has never been corroborated, that someone laughed so hard they actually lost an eye, and that because of a strong smell of urine in the air several people soiled themselves.
The leaders of the Western world thought it was completely preposterous that people would freely volunteer such sensitive and sacred information about their lives.
Needless to say Helmut and his Division of Perpetual Narcissists were ejected from the meeting, the whole team was dismissed without even being given time to clear out their desks. They were chastised by their academic peers and dissolved into the ether never to be heard of again....
The above stills were all taken in Yellowstone Park, a truly amazing piece of real estate. The park contains over 10, 000 geothermal features, it contains the most famous geyser in the world, "Old Faithful", and also the most active geyser in the world, "Steamboat".
Yellowstone is massive, covering nearly 3,500 square miles, this means you really need a few days to take it in. It's probably one of the most famous National Parks in America and because of this it gets very busy, and out of necessity, it's very touristy. And it's for this very reason that I preferred Grand Teton.
The storey I shared with you came to me after reading a headline that said something like, "people exist on social media before they've even taken a breath", and also after I watched a woman in her mid forties trying to check in on Facebook in Caesars Palace Las Vegas.
I hope you found the story quite light hearted but there is a more serious and sinister side to follow in the next few weeks.
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