A double edged sword.

Stills from Chicago by day.

It's been several weeks since I last wrote any blogs, the last one was about a trip I had to Canada and I've travelled quite a bit since then so I have a lot to catch up on. The more observant ones amongst you may recall I hinted at some deeper questions I'd hoped my trip north of the border would help me to answer, and yet I haven't told you what the questions are?

My time over here so far has been such an amazing experience. I've travelled widely, seen some amazing sights and sounds, sampled nice and not so nice food, and I'd like to think I've broadened my horizons. To some extent it feels almost as if I'm seeing the world with brand new eyes, and the more I see the more I want to see.

Coming out here and leaving my regular life behind has also allowed me to put everything under the microscope, and I don't believe that such an honest analysis would have been possible without being able to step away from it all. 

However, this opportunity has also proven to be a double edged sword, amazing experiences on the one hand, and yet deeper questions to be answered on the other.

So what questions has this year brought up so far?

Well, since I feel I've had my eyes opened to a new world of possibilities I now think I'm selling myself short in my current career, and I know that's going to sound big headed but that's what I now think.

Now the problem I have is knowing what to do next, I know I need a change but it's always harder to pin down exactly what to do?

One of the main reasons I decided to visit Canada apart from visiting one of my oldest friends, was to see if emigration was an option, could I leave all my family and friends behind to start a new life in a new country?

Witnessing how important family life is in middle America, I've decided I actually want to spend more time with family and close friends. I've been out of the North East of England for nearly a decade, I feel I've missed spending time with my immediate family, and also the people I grew up with. 

It strikes me as being strangely ironic that after all of the travel I've been fortunate to do over the last decade, I now have a strong desire to return from whence I came.

To steal a quote from one of my favourite films (I never did finish reading the books), The Lord of The Rings, "Even the very wise cannot see all ends".

This idea of returning home could all be some misguided romantic vision, which could be far removed from the reality of leaving my sleepy corner of Oxfordshire. Only time will tell.

Stills from Chicago at night.

In the short term what's going to change for me?

Maybe nothing, maybe just my attitude, maybe just my outlook. I feel a lot more at ease with myself, more relaxed, everything seems to have taken on fresh clarity. 

I want to spend more time travelling around the UK, I've travelled quite extensively back home but there is still so much more to see. I want to camp out in muddy fields in the pouring rain just to get a photograph of a flowing stream at twilight, I want to ride my motorbike at silly speeds alongside lakes and mountains, it feels as if a new lust for exploration has been ignited in me.

I've had an amazing 9 months out here so far, I wish it could last forever, but on the same hand I can't wait to get back home. I can't wait to get back and have a brew in the living room of my own house wearing nothing but my underpants. It's always the little things you miss whenever you spend a lot of time away.

I have so many things planned in my head for getting back, and the list only gets longer the more time I spend out here. 

Just in case you're wondering about Chicago it's an amazing city. There was a great fire in Chicago in 1871, after this fire they decided to re-design the entire layout of the city, and it shows. Unlike New York which can feel cluttered and a little claustrophobic, Chicago has a more open feel to it.

The city has lots of green spaces, and the Chicago River which runs through the city only adds to the airy feeling. Chicago can offer you everything that the Big Apple can but with a more relaxed vibe.

If I were spending my money on a transatlantic flight to visit an American city, I'd pick Chicago everyday of the week.